Trophy
by Whyler S
Summary: The thing with Asgardians is you never know what they're going to bring home. Crack!fic, Darcy POV, Thor/Jane, post-Avengers.


**A/N:** This is all mostly kind of **fan girl 666**'s fault, and takes place post-Avengers movie.

* * *

"It's too hot for work, Jane," said Darcy.

"But I'm so close!" complained Jane, glaring at her friend/assistant. "We're nearly there. The Bi- the Einstein-Rosen Bridge is just a few steps away from completion and-"

"Did you just call it a Bifrost?" Darcy raised an eyebrow and waited for the reply. If Jane was going to call her out on "wormhole" then "Bifrost" was fair game.

Jane flushed and looked away. She was starting to sweat, dressed in a tank top and shorts, and was unconsciously fanning herself with her notes. The sun was overpowering that day and New Mexico might as well have been an oven. Darcy wasn't going to be getting up from her seat by the AC anytime soon, especially if the heat even managed to reach Jane through the bubble of science that constantly surrounded and distracted her.

The SHIELD lackey (who Darcy nicknamed "Minion") looked over curiously. Darcy just rolled her eyes and went back to re-organizing her iPod. Ever since she got it back from SHIELD, the playlists were all messed up.

"Of course not, you're hearing things," Jane said dismissively, her face redder than the heat allowed.

Darcy stifled a yawn as Minion gave Jane a Look. Minion was really sassy for a SHIELD lackey. Just the other day, Darcy forgot to refill the coffee pot, and Minion ensured such a thing would never happen again. If it weren't that Minion was really good at bringing Jane back to earth, Darcy might hate Minion for managing to get Darcy to work even in the present weather.

"Stop it," Jane told Minion weakly.

"I'm not doing anything to you. Is there a reason you feel persecuted, Dr. Foster?" said Minion.

"This has nothing to do with my feelings for Thor. It's not affecting my work at all," protested Jane.

"No one said it did," Minion returned.

"Blah blah science." Darcy was bored - they did this nearly every day!

"Blah blah sass." Something strangely shaped for a plane was flying in from the North...

"Is that Thor?" asked Darcy, squinting as she looked out the window. It could be, but it appeared he was carrying a car in one hand. Of course it could have just been a sandstorm or something. It was hard to tell; Thor's visits resembled natural disasters quite often, or at least what natural disasters were starting to look like now days with all the new villains and mutants and alien invasions messing up the weather.

"Thor? Where?" asked Jane.

"Out there," said Darcy, pointing in the direction of the flying blob. As it grew closer she could see it was definitely Thor carrying some kind of really big thing.

"Thor! It's Thor!" cried Jane. She made a mad dash for the closest mirror.

Minion calmly stood up and went to check the windows, closing the few that were open. As Thor got closer the sand beat across the windows. Jane was waiting by the door, unable to keep the smile off her face. The only thing that could distract her from her work was Thor and vice versa.

Finally, the sand stopped banging against the window. Jane threw open the door and ran out, and Minion gestured for Darcy to follow first. The air was a little cooler thanks to Thor swinging Mjolnir around and generating a breeze, but there was still a big difference between Darcy's seat next to the AC and the oven that was the outdoors. Darcy pondered her chances of being able to sneak past Minion and get back inside, and sneakily looked around.

It surprised her to see that Jane was standing where she was a few seconds ago, not lip-locked with Thor, and it was even worse to see Minion completely shocked. Darcy followed their gaze to behind Thor, where the giant head of some monstrous being lay in the sand.

Whatever it was, it was definitely what Thor was carrying as he flew. The decapitated head was roughly the size of a car, white and fluffy, and stained near the neck with a blue fluid that Darcy suspected was alien blood. It looked like the head of the Abominable Snowman. The eyes were yellow and glassy, the ears tufted with long fur, and fangs like those of a Siberian Tiger protruded from a snarling mouth.

Thor stood proudly in front of the head, hands on his hips and shoulders thrown back, beaming as if he just brought a... oh. It clicked immediately in Darcy's mind.

"Just like a cat," she whispered to herself, digging through her pockets for her phone to get a video of this.

"Well, Jane?" Thor asked, his voice booming just as Darcy clicked record.

"I..." Jane floundered, looking from the Abominable Snowman head to Thor and back. "I... I don't know what to say, Thor."

"Is it not truly inestimable?" asked Thor.

"It's certainly huge," agreed Jane. Darcy fought to keep her phone from shaking too much as she laughed.

"I told Loki you would appreciate it!" cried Thor, looking smug. "He insists his gift was much more practical, but an eyeball is not nearly as impressive, don't you agree?"

"I... yes, Thor. Thank you," Jane said, her eyes still wide. Thor didn't seem to notice, happily turning back to the Abominable Snowman head.

"Where would you like me to put it?" he asked, as if he wasn't holding a head the size of a car in one hand. Darcy zoomed in on the bulging muscles of his arm.

"Nowhere near my desk," muttered Minion, quiet enough that no one but Darcy heard.

Jane latched onto Darcy's arm and tugged her away. "Darcy, what am I going to do with a giant alien head?" she hissed, nearly in a panic.

"I don't know, but you might want to push your eyes back in your head and close your jaw before Thor comes to his senses and realizes you aren't as happy as he thought. He'll probably come back with something bigger," Darcy said.

"It's half the size of my trailer!" wailed Jane, looking even more distressed.

"Jane? I require your assistance; I am not able to reach the door while carrying this trophy!" Thor called.

"Don't you go dripping alien blood on the clean floor!" snapped Minion, apparently recovered from the shock. "I just scrubbed that floor yesterday! You wait right here, Mr. Odinson, while I go lay down newspapers."

"Erik is going to be so pissed he wasn't there for this in person," Darcy said thoughtfully.

* * *

Erik was sort of pissed, actually, but the video she sent him was a hit with his new co-workers, especially Tony Stark.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you for reading! This whole thing started as an innocent discussion on shipping names, and it just grew. From wondering what Fury/Loki would be called (Frosty Eyepatch) to discussing what that pairing would be like to how Loki would give Fury an eyeball in at attempt to be rid of the eyepatch to such trophies being highly esteemed gifts on Asgard to this fic.

Minion is my all fault, though. Everyone else belongs to Marvel.


End file.
